You Are A Drama Queen

By Wesley Middleton

​Leaders seem to sometimes think that they have carte blanche to say whatever they want, whenever they want. I call this “DQ Syndrome” or DQS. DQ for drama queen. Admittedly so, it is hard to not respond to the drama you may be faced with. As a recovering DQS guy, I find myself caught up in the drama. The great thing is that I have partners and a wife to keep me straight. As I interact with upcoming partners and leaders, I see (and experience) certain traits that need so much attention, so much so that I thought I would write about it.

You Must Have A Filter
Seriously. Why is it that upcoming leaders think they can say whatever they want, whenever they want? What, now you are suddenly God? Here is my advice. Shut UP. Please. As a new leader or partner, you do not now have this newly discovered pass to say whatever you want. In fact, you have to be MORE careful about what you say and how you say it.

Silence is Golden.

Many new promoted people take the new position with a new level of authority and unfiltered commentary. As if they have been given this new level of authority to speak their mind. Newsflash. You can’t. You simply cannot speak your mind and instead of having more freedom to do so, you are more restricted as you set the tone for your leadership style by what you say.

Put a muzzle on it!

Just Because It is True……..
Where did this theory come from that just because it is true it is ok to speak it? It is NOT ok to speak it just because it is true. I have never understood this. While no one wants to be mislead or NOT hear the truth, some things are just better left unsaid. That does not make it a lie.
There are some people who simply cannot handle the truth and your version of the truth may not be the message that needs to be transmitted. Egos get in the way. I deal with every day. If a partner thinks it, God must have ordained it and spoken it, or at least you would think so. NEWSFLASH again, you really shouldn’t speak everything that comes to your mind. When you do, you simply reveal to the rest of the world your level of intelligence.

Kill the EGO!!
Ok, this really gets to me. I had a recent situation where someone close to me told me that they couldn’t get through to the person above them because they couldn’t see or even admit that they were wrong. Even when presented with the empirical evidence, no admission. After this encounter, a meeting was called and this person was introduced like this “Jane is here to explain to us the processes that we need to follow………………….but I don’t think we are doing anything wrong”. 

You tell me. What just happened here? This is where servant leadership, humility and humbleness becomes a strength. It is not your position or your authority that is your strength. It is how well you receive input and listen to those around you and more importantly, how well you build up those beneath you.

Leaders do not diminish the people around them, they always take the high road. Be the person that follows the lead of those around you and listens to what they have to say. That makes you a LEADER not a follower. Get your personal ego out of the way, it only hurts your team, the respect people have for you and your future as a leader.

I have found that I am better served to be silent and listen to those around me. Speaking doesn’t always get me where I think I need to be. Yes, I am provoked and I fall into that trap. I could kick myself! It is the Drama Trap. Don’t engage, don’t be a part of this.  Don’t respond to the emails or the written dialogue, have conversations. Yes, it is SO hard. It is hard for me!

A leader is a silent servant that knows WHEN to speak, measures his or her words, and avoids emotional conversations. Be passionate, not emotional. There is a difference! I have learned this from experience and my own mistakes. Don’t make the same mistakes, err on the side of silence and meekness, it will serve you well.
​
Coming soon, "The 5 Steps to Recovery". How to conquer DQS.

Wesley Middleton is the managing partner at MRZ LLP, a Houston, Texas-based accounting firm voted Best Place to Work by the Houston Business Journal. Wesley is the author of Violent Leadership (Forbes Books, 2017) and is represented by PumpJack Speakers Bureau. To book Wesley for your event, email Wesley.Middleton@PumpJack.me or click here.